Feeling Frosty!

The Secret Language Of Planet Desmond Chapter 1

 





      So secret and possibly unutterable, that I am struggling with even beginning this post!  Maybe all I can do is tell a couple of stories in my own language and hope a particle of understanding distills somewhere. 

      When Desmond was born one very early Monday morning before dawn, I was already sleeping fitfully, knowing that the whole process had been well underway for several hours by then.  Call it a startle-stir, that strange sensation that woke me moments before my son-in-law sent the announcement via text message.  Of course, I didn't have far to go to retrieve my phone as it was on my pillow at the time. 

       I was feeling a little disappointed that I was so far away, but also relieved that I could at least try to hide from the anxiety behind sleep; whereas if I had been there watching my very courageous little girl laboring without pharmaceutical intervention and not being able to take any of the pain away from her, not to mention chewing on the idea of the unmentionable risks, and well, you know why a mother would be anxious about her child giving birth under any circumstances. 

        So yes, the swelling, welling emotions in those first moments are probably quite universal, but something happened to me that I did not expect.  I immediately starting loving everyone in the whole wide world!  I imagined what this baby looked like (before they could get around to texting pictures) and I actually felt palpable feelings of LOVe lovE Love--just love...for everyone.  My mind said to me, "You love everyone! This is a gift that came with Desmond."  

     I can be cynical.  I questioned even that feeling I was feeling in my own feelings.  I decided to test it out and while Katy and Jon and Desmond were finding the beginning of their way on a new planet, I was experimenting with the age-old earthly conundrum of "what is love?"   I plumbed the dark recesses of my mind, no light task for you know those caverns are many and can be quite abysmal, for names and images of people I might have a difficult time not having hard feelings towards, and there were absolutely no hard feelings, no lingering animosity, no rememberance of what it felt like to even be angry at someone.  AND, I felt no guilt or remorse at my own selfish history of harboring any of those feelings.  Check and mate, right?

      Naturally, that was but a passing phenomenom, even though that blessedly sweet and serene babe is still my grandson and still blessedly sweet and serene.  Sure was great while it lasted, though.

      I didn't even feel that magnanimity when my own daughter was born.  To be sure, I felt that intensity of love, but it was all for her, the rest of the world be what and where and who they had to be, quite uninterrupted by my existence and my purpose of being and my love trained on that "new" life in my arms. 

       I know, can remember, a bit of what Katy is experiencing as she and Jon and their son try to navigate the nuances of inhabiting the new lovely, loving Planet Desmond...trying to keep vertical and balanced as the surface undergoes upheavals of tectonic activity and impact cratering and even erosions of sorts.

 

      Katy sent me the picture of Desmond below, explaining that he will often just "be" there gazing at her for several minutes at a time with this look on his face.  He hasn't learned the words, yet, or even that people have tried to create words for experiencing a feeling.  This feeling.  But I absolutely know what this look feels like in my very marrow.  

 

 

 

That Sweet Ringing Chord

I just recently had my "audition" for the a'capella group I was interested in joining. I found the meeting place inside the Wayland Baptist University here in Anchorage and there was quite a happy little crowd of women getting ready to sing--setting purses and jackets on chairs, milling on the risers, collecting around a podium, flipping music pages, ahahah-ing up and down scales, etc. I met the woman I had been corresponding through e-mail with and she introduced me to the director who I didn't know was the director who took me into the shower and made me sing!

Does anyone but me think the Happy Birthday song is hard to sing? I had to do it twice, for Pete's sake. Started off in the wrong key the first time. Even the damned shower didn't help. Good thing we didn't stop there.

I ended up in the "lead" section. (This is a Sweet Adelines chorus with tenor, lead, baritone and base sections, in case you didn't know and were wondering.) I'm happy about that because I think melody is the easiest to sing. Unless the song happens to be the Happy Birthday song.

 

Fortunately, most of the songs we're working on are some that I have at least a little familiarity with which fact encouraged me a bit.  I have always liked singing in choirs and since moving here to Anchorage, I have missed being able to go to shape-note singings. The director didn't know what the FA SO LA singing was that I put on my application, but recognized "shape note/Sacred Harp" when we talked and she said there was a woman in the chorus who wanted to do a Sacred Harp workshop. She was going to introduce us, but we got really busy. Next time, I guess.

Now,  the next hurdle is understanding that I don't have to love sequins on red blazers or to even feel comfortable wearing sparkly clothes in order to get up and sing and dance (?) in them. Well, psuedo-dance. Move my arms, kick a toe here and there, flash jazz hands, raise my eyebrows and make expressive faces. Barber Shop dancing. All that stuff I've always considered to be embarrassing for anyone to do, and smack dab in the middle of "never-no-never" for me!

Laugh if you must, but this group just won the regional Sweet Adelines competion this year securing them a place in the national competition in Hawaii next November. I have already come up against some scheduling difficulties with my work travel and I got a late start with rehearsals, but I love singing, so practicing will be an easy thing for me to do. I've never been to Hawaii.

Toodle-oo And Pip-Pip

But I just can't bring myself to say goodbye.  

Even though, as you can see from this small sampling of pictures, I'm leaving him in good hands.  

Cousins Braunson, Aubree and Cosette

Cousin Aubree

Grauntie Trish

"Grebbie"  Great Uncle/Aunt Eddie and Debbie

VERY GOOD HANDS

This Thing Called Bliss

      Jon went back to work this week, after having one week off.  Perfect timing...he was off the weekend Katy was in labor, she had the baby early Monday morning and he had last week and then another weekend off.  And now, when he goes to work, I go over there and hold the baby so Katy can sleep or take a shower.  He sleeps SO WELL, does little Desmond Bentley Armstrong, and peacefully until he gets hungry and then he just sort of squeaks and squirms a little.  He does cry once in a while at diaper changes.  He also wakes up by just stretching a bit and opening his eyes.  

      Since I've been back in town, I've had a chance to do some things on my own...meet friends for lunch, shop a little, hold the baby, make some phone calls, help with the little family's laundry, hold the baby, watch movies and football games with grand nieces and nephews, go get some homeopathics at the clinic, and then hold the baby some more.  All this on paid vacation time.  A couple of evenings, they've come over to my sister's house for dinner and tonight they were planning on stopping for diapers on the way home.  I suggested they just run out to the store while Desmond was sleeping so perfectly in the crook of my arm and to my surprise, they did just that.

      Katy and I both said to each other, almost in unison, "Are you sure?"  

Sure, I'm sure.  Then she handed me the diaper bag.  I asked, "What do I need that for?"

I didn't even think about the eventuality of needing to change a diaper, such was the idyllic scenario in which I was encapsulated.  Time was standing still and when the dog began barking a few minutes later, I thought she was barking at another animal outside, but it was Katy and Jon coming back from the store.  Desmond and I had not even stirred.

Katy's eyes were sort of welling up.  I said, "It felt like you just left a part of your body back here, didn't it?"

    Tomorrow, they are taking him to a specialist to see about his turned-in tootsies.  I offered to drive them there in my new rental car and they said I didn't need to do that.  It was going to be so early.  I offered a couple of times and finally I asked Katy,"Do you want me to go with you?"

     She answered, "No, it's ok.  We'll just go ahead and go."

    "Do you want me NOT to go?"

    "Yeah, we'll just go take care of this."

     I'm not offended.  Even if I thought they didn't want me horning in and being bossy, which I DO NOT DO, dear younger siblings who might claim otherwise, I wouldn't be offended because I totally understand.  I think it's probably that they just want to be the grown-up parents making decisions for their own child.

     Trouble is...I'm sure I know more than the doctors and everybody is going to miss out on that exchange.

     Oh well.  Plenty of time to make a nuisance of myself before I leave to go back home.    

O Fair, Favored Fall

 

"Delicious autumn.  My very soul is wedded to it.  If I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking successive autumns."  George Eliot

 



 

 

Last Saturday, after a week of heavy winds that huffed and puffed and blew our town down, and relentless raining swelled our creeks, flooded our streets, and turned roads into rivers where fish swam upstreet, the sun came out.  Did a little dance with the bruised and burdened clouds and posed with the trees for me to take these pictures. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was about here when I got a call from my daughter informing me of the timing, duration and intensity of her contractions, which she surmised was pre-labor.  By Monday morning at 4:30 she had delivered their son, my first grandchild. 

 

 

So far away and I'm still not there with them.  In a few days, I will be joining them.  In the meantime, I thank the fall, season of all seasons, for biding this weighted wait with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE WIND BENEATH MY ROOTS





     Last week we had a storm here in Anchorage that blew trees over all over town.  Residents ended up powerless--that is, without electric power in their homes, some of them for several days while crews worked "night and day" to restore power.  It was big news.  It's early in the season for this kind of storm, which is hurricane-force, but not technically a hurricane because of where the energy is gathered.  (From the jet stream rather than from warm ocean currents.) 



 

 

Someone else's Facebook photo

 

 



Had to lean over the fence to take this picture

     This sweet little town is due for another wind and rain storm tomorrow. 



Facebook photo from Visit Anchorage page 

 
     I didn't prepare or worry about the last storm and was largely unaffected by it.  However, today I turned on the ice-maker in the freezer and put all my blue ice packs in to freeze, as well.  I didn't like hearing the stories of people's food spoiling in the refrigerator.  I have a small camping cooler under the table in my bedroom. 
     We've also been warned there might be areas of flooding.  Should that occur, I'm pretty sure the storage room in our garage will be on that list. 
      BUT...forecasters are saying they can't be sure there will even be a storm.  Or that the storm they are watching out over the sea will actually make it to our fair coast. 
      I'm a glass-half-full kind of gal and I'm expecting the only trouble I'll have will be getting to the library on Sunday to return my movies.